It's been awhile!

So here I am , 3 weeks later, lol. But I am back. I have been doing very poorly and have not been wanting to share it with the world. Eating wise I mean. Just terrible. I am back in to the 160's now. Have I fallen off the wagon for good? Hoping to get back on but my mind seems to always think, well, eat this way today, then you can start over again tomorrow. Well tomorrow never seems to come. Then I stopped exercising for a few day and I honestly could not believe the difference it made. I got flabby. Seriously!! Just for a few days. And I am sure it wasn't just my imagination. I even had talked about it to my bf. Telling him how embarrassed I was that I was gaining the weight back, how I wanted to get back on track and how I could not seem to. He told me he could not tell the difference, but I need to do this for me and no one else. I am kinda doing it for him. So maybe if I think that I need to do it for me it Will make the difference. Lets hope I can get my mind around that. My WI in tomorrow. i am hoping to be back in the 150's. I will let you guys know!! Stay strong!

Damn you TOM!!

Okay, okay, so I had a bit of a gain this week. And I know its worse cause this is the first morning of my TOM, but it's still disappointing to see that gain on the scale. But I have to look at it this way. This happens to me every month. I should be used to it by now, and usually get right depressed when I see it, but am handling it kind of well today. And I can tell I am losing. My clothes fit better. My body is changing in good ways, my cellulite is slowly falling off my butt and thighs, my tummy is getting smaller and I hardly have to push through any fat anymore before I get to the hard part. I can tell the difference in my arms, and I think I might actually only have one chin now!!! And I even got a few nice butt comments from random creepy guys. Kinda gross, but helps the confidence factor for sure! Woo Hoo!! So screw the numbers on the scale this morning, I am celebrating a NSV! And that is good enough for me today!! Have a great Friday!!

March!

Ugh....March. The month of my birthday. I know that age is just a number, but seriously, why can't it go backwards?
Anyways. I have been feeling pretty good lately. Physically I mean. I am beginning to notice the change in my body. I honestly can not stop touching my tummy. It's getting smaller, and it amazes me. Wow, small things I tell ya! My eating has been pretty clean since I have started back on weight watchers. Which surprises me, cause things have not been going well for me personally and usually first thing I turn to is food. I am happy I have been able to control myself. I hope I can stick to this commitment.
I started tanning today. I know, I know, skin cancer, premature aging, and all that great stuff. But I love it. It makes me in a spring kind of mood. And I am in major need of a pick me up. I went in s stand up bed for the first time. Very very cool!! I am now a stand up tanner.
Well, that's all for today. Have a great Monday!

My story.

Okay, so i feel like I should share a little bit of my personal history with you, so you understand where I am coming from. As far back as I can remember I have always been the fat one. I don't remember at what age I started gaining weight, but I think it was around grade six. Food was always such a big part of our lives. I grew up on a farm and my dad worked hard. Like harder than any man I have ever met, but that is a different story. So we had humongous meals for lunch, for supper, because that is what hard working men eat. I did not work so hard, but am pretty sure I kept up with my dad on portion sizes. Have one huge plate full of food, then usually go back for seconds. Thinking back I can not believe how much I used to stuff in my fat little face. In high school I think I may have actually been one of the biggest kids in school. We had a small school, but still. What an embarrassment. And I heard about it. I used to get bugged constantly about my size, at school, and then when I cam home from school from my brother and his friends. They used to make up songs about how fat I was. What a life I had. So the only thing that would make me feel better was food. Funny how the cause of my problem seemed to be the solution. I would come home from school at about 4:00pm, have either a can of chunky soup or 2 pizza pops, then have the huge supper at 5:30pm, then be having a big bowl of ice cream , a chocolate bar, or some other huge disgusting snack before bed. So by the end of high school I was tipping the scales at over 200 lbs. At my heaviest I was 219 lbs. Wow, looking back on it I cannot believe I let it get that out of hand. I was that size until about the age of 22. That summer I started working at an ice cream store. And as weird as this sounds, I would go to work with no lunch and would only eat ice cream for days on end. And I lost weight. I am definitely not recommending this to anyone. I didn't eat like huge amounts or anything, I was trying to lose weight so I probably was just not eating enough of it. By that winter I was down to 200lbs. I met my boyfriend at the time and he owned a gym. Why he was with me still puzzles me. I wasn't exactly the type of girl you would think he would date. So anyways, I started working out and dropped to 180lbs. After that has kind of been a rollercoster. Have gone down as low as 153 (that was quite recently) and as high as 195 after I got my heart broken by an asshole. And everywhere in between. So for once in my life I just want to have this issue under control, so it not longer has to be an issue. So currently I am 159, which at 5'9" is in a healthy weight range, but I want to like how I look when I look in the mirror. I want to be the best me I can be. I feel weight watchers may be the way to do this. I just have to keep my motivation going. Weight in tommorow. I am excited to see my progress so far!

Enough of the bull...this is it!

Okay so last night as I sat on my couch, feeling disgusting and fat I decided this was it. I wonder if these are the moments people talk about, when everything becomes clear and they go for what they want. I am so sick of feeling uncomfortable in my skin. I want to feel like the hot girl I know I can be, I want to feel skinny. Summer is soon approaching and I want to be able to wear all the cute summer clothes. The tight tank tops, the short skits, A BATHING SUIT!! This will be my last summer in my twenties, I want to have one good in my 20's summer. So I went back and joined Weight Watchers. Not tracking does not work for me. Plus I really enjoy the positive feedback when I lose. And I really enjoy the message boards for a pick me up when everything is not going properly. They waived the sign up fee, so it ended up being only 59.00 bucks for 3 months. Bonus. I am gonna do it this time! I am going to try eating smaller meals throughout the day this time. So I have breakfast, then a small meal at 11:00, then another at 2:00, then supper. During my lunch break I am going to do Wii Fit, then when I get home from work, Wii Active. I am thinking positive this time around. I can do this!! So I am going to do something I never thought I would do and post my weight on the Internet, because I think posting my victories for you guys to see will be a little extra motivation as well. So I weighed myself this morning and I was at 159.4. My weigh in days will be on Friday, so I will post my next weight on Friday.
Thank you to everyone who's blog I read everyday. You guys are a real inspiration. It is nice to know that there are other people going through the same thing I am. It's nice to know I am not alone.
Happy Tuesday ;-)

Ugh....lesson not necessarely learned, but remembered

Okay so I got this really yummy new Special K cereal, blueberry flavored. I decided to stray away from my usual oatmeal with either a tbsp of peanut butter or almond butter and some blueberries in it for breakfast and have a bowl of this fantastic cereal. What a mistake. I was absolutely starving by 9:00 am. My oatmeal usually keeps me relatively full for most of the morning, but I still have a snack at around 10:00am just so I am not starving by lunch time. So this morning I ate my snack at around 9:30 when I just could not wait any longer. And I was famished by 11:00. Like so hungry I felt faint. So finally lunch time came around, and I went home and I ate...and I ate...then ate just a bit more. I had a Weight Watchers breakfast quesidilla. Then I still felt like I was starving, although I am sure that if I would have waited awhile I would have been fine. So back to the fridge I went and there was 1.5 pork cutlets left over from supper last night. I had the 1/2 of one, figuring that would be enough. But of course it was so yummy I had the whole other one. Then I needed something sweet so I had some of that great Special K cereal in a coffee cup so I would not eat that much of it. Like it matters by this time. So finally all my food settled and I feel disgusting. So full, I feel like a humongous cow!! So needless to say EAT A GOOD BREAKFAST!!! I will remember this for a long time.
Other than that, me and my boyfriend were oh so tired last night we went to bed at 9:30. Wow. And I am still super tired today. I was up until 4:00am on Saturday with my poor sick throwing up child though, so that just threw me out of whack. Hopefully tonight will be the night I get back on track. And its Monday, which is one more step closer to Friday. This is me thinking positive! have a great week people :-)

Another weekend gone by...

My friend, my son and I went shopping yesterday. She is going to Mexico in March (super jealous!!) and she needed to buy bathing suits. She is the friend that I have that lost 45 pounds on weight watchers (again, super jealous!) and she finally feels comfortable in a bathing suit. So we drove the 2 hours we have to drive to do some decent shopping. We live in the middle of nowhere, Alberta. The closest city is 2 hours away, and the next closest town in 1.5 hours away. There is no other towns in between here and there, which I still find completely bizarre, because I am originally form Southern Saskatchewan, where there is another town every 2 minutes it seems. So we went and first thing we did was stop for lunch. We went to this restaurant and she decided that she was going to treat herself so she got a wrap and some fries. I got soup and a beef dip. My son got macaroni and cheese, which turned out to be Kraft Dinner and they charged me $7.00 for it!!! I could not believe that!! I could have bought 7 boxes of that crap for that much money. It always makes me mad when restaurants serve Kraft dinner. And it made him sick too. But anyways. So my friend got her food, had like 2 bites I am sure then complained the whole rest of the time about how full she was, while I was still eating. I don't know why she can't just sit there quietly while I finish my lunch, instead of talking about how full she is , then making me question my self on why I am not full yet, and if I was I would probably be able to lose 45 damn pound as well!! Frustrating!! I love her to death, but wish that she would realize sometimes she makes me feel like a fat cow. Just needed to rant. I think I am done now. Lol, thanks for listening.
So we got her two bathing suits, both of which look awesome on her, I am very proud of her weight loss, and that she feels comfortable in the bathing suits. I got a couple of really cute tops at Winners, so pretty happy about that. Other than that we just did some food shopping , which is great to do out of town as well, because our grocery store has a very limited selection, and the prices are outrageous. Another downfall of living in the middle of nowhere.
UFC was on last night, so my boyfriend and his brother were watching it. Must have been a good one because there was lots of happy yelling coming from the living room while I was in the bedroom watching season 3 reruns of Grey's Anatomy. UFC bores me, unless someone is getting knocked out!
I stepped on the scale this morning and lost .4 pound!! Woo hoo!! Little victory for my. I weight myself everyday, a habit I would like to get out of, but when the numbers are down it feels so damn good!!!I have been eating pretty good the past couple of days though. I have implemented my new portion control rule, so we will see how long that lasts. And I have still not eaten any chocolate. Yay me!!
I am going to try to make the most out of the rest of the weekend, but I have alot of cleaning to do so that will probably take up most of my day, and I want to make a really good supper for my boyfriend when he gets home from work. Hopefully my son and I can find a bit of time for a bit of fun!!